Oh for f***s sake it's still going!! Just been weighed and it has gone up again despite now having had no increase in my diet for nine weeks. Even the staff are surprised its not stopped yet I just know I'm going to get to my target weight on this diet and then will be unable to stop gaining feel completely out of control and spiral back down in to my old ways because it's the only way I can see to control my weight.
The staff and dietician keep assuring me it will stop and to trust them but so far it has done the complete opposite to what they advise it should do and I feel like I'm going to be the medical freak who the rules don't work for. It's almost like my metabolism has completely failed to realise I'm gaining weight and is therefore still running at 40% rather than rising in line with the weight gain.
I want to just give up today bury my head in the sheets on my bed and cry but I don't even have the energy to cry because I am so tired and emotionally drained I have nothing left and no tears to cry. I only managed about an hours sleep and feel completely exhausted and I already feel like crap for sleeping much of yesterday and not having really done anything productive.
Today will be a tough one as I am really just freaking out and don't want to do it anymore. Dreading Monday already there is just no let up to this constant nightmare, flitting from one anxiety to the next without any real time to stop and catch a breath. Not sure how much more I can take.