Here we go again another day dawns and the weight is still going, 10 weeks on and still not doing what the dietician and nursing staff assured me it would do and continues to show no sign it will plateau. To be honest I haven't even got the energy to cry today as I only managed to have about an hours sleep and I am so tired I would seriously like to just not bother today.
Weigh day was the primary reason for my lack of sleep but something else was playing on my mind. A mutual friend of Ben and I has recently been going through a tough time personally. She had spent some time with Ben helping him on some of his recent work and has also been amazingly supportive to him and also to me. She has also taken support from Ben and they have helped each other through difficult days.
It was brought to my attention yesterday that a group of their friends had insinuated to Ben that this support was looking like more than that and he should be careful as people were talking. None of these so called friends had bothered to say anything to the friend in question and so Ben took her to one side and told her what had been said. It comes as no surprise that her reaction was anything short of fury at the thought of people talking about them like this especially as several of them had had affairs!!
When Ben told me I felt nothing but sympathy for our friend as rumours like this quickly spread and develop and before you know it her and Ben will be having a full blown affair while his wife rots in hospital!! This sympathy soon turned to anger not at them but at the others. While I can see why they may suspect the situation is more than just that of mutual support what does that really say about them and how they see Ben and our friend and more to the point about my relationship with them.
Ben has been nothing but open about time they have spent together and how he has been supporting her through her difficult time where he can. He has not tried to hide the fact she has on a couple of occasions been to our house. I have to admit I did find it hard to think of her in my home with my husband but not because I thought anything was going on but just because I was jealous she was getting to spend time with Ben in my house when I couldn't. Equally our friend has always been open with her husband so nothing has been kept 'secret'.
Our friend has so much to give and I think it has helped her been able to show this to Ben and I when she is struggling to find an output for this at home. I'm sure their so called friends said what they did with the best of intentions and to advise how others may be reading the situation but I am so frustrated that people feel it necessary to always see more in a situation than is there, finding it acceptable to pass comment on situations they have absolutely no insight in to what so ever.
Imagine I had heard this on a particularly bad day it wouldn't have taken much for a seed of doubt to be sown in my mind and before you know its chocked up with emotional chick weed and paranoia.
Luckily I do trust Ben implicitly and have no doubt that this is anything more than a friendship. I hope they can rise above the ridiculous insinuations of others and do not allow them to destroy their friendship. I hope they remember that the comments of these friends appear to me to be more the words of small minded people projecting there own failings on to others and I trust them completely and hope they can continue to offer support and kindness to each other as and when they can.