Monday, 26 November 2012


Well I'd like to say I'm surprised about today's weigh in but I'm not yes you guessed right it went up again so still no sign of a plateau. I actually don't think it would have mattered what it did today as I was already feeling really crap and huge before i got on the scales so I guess the gain just reinforced how I felt.

Had quite a stressful morning. It had been mentioned a couple of weeks ago that the doctor wanted to assess if I should still be taking my epilepsy medication as they didn't want me taking stuff I didn't need! I questioned why they had suddenly decided this and was told that because I hadn't had a fit in about 10 years (touch wood) that I probably didn't need to be on medication!! Now is it me or does this make no sense at all? Why would you question if someone needed to be on a drug because they were displaying no symptons of the problem the drug is taken for when the aim of said medication is to do just that!!?

I made it perfectly clear to the doctor that I had real reservations about coming off the drug despite that fact that I too hate taking tablets especially if there not needed. I pointed out that we went through hell trying to get a diagnosis when I started with the problem and it took up a massive part of my life and was the cause of me having to drop out of sixth form. We went through several possible diagnosis's and at one time was even told it was psychosomatic,  it was only when we saw a professor who was specialised in neurology that he diagnosed epilepsy and was shocked that no one had tried medication to see if it stopped the fits. I started medication and although it took a while the condition started to become controlled. The diagnosis impacted on my life massively as it meant that I couldn't pursue learning to drive and at the time would have to be fit free for three years. I finally went three clear years and got to learn to drive. This enabled me to change jobs as I was no longer restricted to having to work close to home.

So this is one of my main concerns with stopping treatment based on the idea that I might not need the drug the point is if they stop it and I fit they will completely destroy my life as I would be unable to continue to drive and therefore would be unable to do my job. This at a time when I already feel like I am ruining my life and that of those around me and now they want to give me this added stress.
Anyway my mom came in this morning to talk to the doctor about the time I was diagnosed and what happened in terms of fits, good old mom went in guns blazing informing the doctor in no uncertain terms that they would stop the drug over her dead body, hmm useful!! I did ask her to calm down but I was actually really grateful for the support. I did at least admit to the doctor that them questioning my medication reminded me of being diagnosed and that I felt like they didn't believe I had a problem and was making it up. When asked if I had any say or if my opinion would even be considered she said it would but if they felt it was not needed they would not prescribe it, so in other words no!

So now I am really stressing as its made me feel like getting better is even more pointless if there going to make another problem come back and if it does I really will give up and will just want to die, this is a hard enough fight without having to go through that again as well.


  1. I had no idea about this Bec :( I'm so sorry. I went through hell when I first fell unwell (physically) with the exact same thing - people not believing me, telling me it was psychosomatic etc. I know exactly the effect it can have on your mental health. It wouldn't be an understatement to say it the way I was treated screwed me up and fed the seeds of my ED... But I was too scared to admit it until recently in case they made the link the wrong way and decided it WAS all in my head after all.

    If I were you, I would demand to be referred back to neurology before they make any decisions about medication. You are legally entitled to a second opinion too. These people are psychiatrists, and ED psychs at that, not specialists in epilepsy - or anything else. It seems nuts to mess around with your medication when you're so physically and mentally vulnerable right now unless it's causing you major problems.

    One of the drs here implied that I wasn't pushing myself hard enough when I refused Daycare, and I completely broke down because it reminded me of all the shit I went through in my early teens. Said doctor also wanted to take me off sleep meds I'd been on, very risky when lack of sleep can cause relapses in both areas of health, and I almost had to beg her to double the dose of my painkiller in case it was 'just a flare up' (and you saw my granny limping earlier :P ).

    I feel like this deserves an airing in a certain group? :P See you tomorrow x

  2. Oh, and if all else fails - give PALS a ring. They are amazing and will come out tomorrow I'm sure. You can find their number on the leaflets outside the dining room/lounge. Sorry for the epic ramble!! Couldn't read this and not reply as I can relate to your frustration and anxiety so so much, and I know how awful it is. x

  3. THanks Bec it's good to know that im not alone. I'm sorry you too had to go through so much anxiety, stress and heartache just trying to convince people what you were feeling was not in your head. As if been ill isn't hard enough without people questioning if you actually are? I'm so sorry they are messing with your stuff as well and well done for standing your ground. Thanks also for the PALS advice I may just I've them a call if it looks set to go badly. Don't worry about the granny limp I've got granny bones so we can both have mobility scooters for our farm. :-) xx

    1. Thanks love, we'll get there! THAT FARM WILL BE OURS. Can my mobility scooter be rainbow? :D haha x

    2. Rainbow it shall be and mine will have go faster stripes! Have a good weekend keep fighting get lots of rest xx