Well I'd like to say I'm surprised about today's weigh in but I'm not yes you guessed right it went up again so still no sign of a plateau. I actually don't think it would have mattered what it did today as I was already feeling really crap and huge before i got on the scales so I guess the gain just reinforced how I felt.
Had quite a stressful morning. It had been mentioned a couple of weeks ago that the doctor wanted to assess if I should still be taking my epilepsy medication as they didn't want me taking stuff I didn't need! I questioned why they had suddenly decided this and was told that because I hadn't had a fit in about 10 years (touch wood) that I probably didn't need to be on medication!! Now is it me or does this make no sense at all? Why would you question if someone needed to be on a drug because they were displaying no symptons of the problem the drug is taken for when the aim of said medication is to do just that!!?
I made it perfectly clear to the doctor that I had real reservations about coming off the drug despite that fact that I too hate taking tablets especially if there not needed. I pointed out that we went through hell trying to get a diagnosis when I started with the problem and it took up a massive part of my life and was the cause of me having to drop out of sixth form. We went through several possible diagnosis's and at one time was even told it was psychosomatic, it was only when we saw a professor who was specialised in neurology that he diagnosed epilepsy and was shocked that no one had tried medication to see if it stopped the fits. I started medication and although it took a while the condition started to become controlled. The diagnosis impacted on my life massively as it meant that I couldn't pursue learning to drive and at the time would have to be fit free for three years. I finally went three clear years and got to learn to drive. This enabled me to change jobs as I was no longer restricted to having to work close to home.
So this is one of my main concerns with stopping treatment based on the idea that I might not need the drug the point is if they stop it and I fit they will completely destroy my life as I would be unable to continue to drive and therefore would be unable to do my job. This at a time when I already feel like I am ruining my life and that of those around me and now they want to give me this added stress.
Anyway my mom came in this morning to talk to the doctor about the time I was diagnosed and what happened in terms of fits, good old mom went in guns blazing informing the doctor in no uncertain terms that they would stop the drug over her dead body, hmm useful!! I did ask her to calm down but I was actually really grateful for the support. I did at least admit to the doctor that them questioning my medication reminded me of being diagnosed and that I felt like they didn't believe I had a problem and was making it up. When asked if I had any say or if my opinion would even be considered she said it would but if they felt it was not needed they would not prescribe it, so in other words no!
So now I am really stressing as its made me feel like getting better is even more pointless if there going to make another problem come back and if it does I really will give up and will just want to die, this is a hard enough fight without having to go through that again as well.