Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Lock down!!!!

My god this week is going to be long!! Due to the out break of vomiting and diarrhea they have had to close the ward. This means we have no groups or therapy sessions and even worse no visitors are allowed and it won't reopen until 72 hours after the final symptom has passed.

Great this has meant no session with the psychologist today, no relaxation and another week without a massage. The worse thing for me is that I was due time out tomorrow to go to the dentist at which point I was also going to go home and see George and now I can't go as no one can leave the ward, not even to go to the craft room. Infact it's more like a prison than usual!

Everyone is feeling the effects of the closed unit as it is feeling like an extended weekend that is just dragging on with no end in sight. One patient is in isolation and so we have no idea if she is still ill or now symptom free and staff just keep telling us they will keep us updated as and when they know anything.

This all happened yesterday which to say added to an already shockingly bad day would be an understatement. Yet again my weight jumped up still without any form of increase in my diet, now just under a stone till my pausing point weight wise and I just know I'm going to get there on this tiny diet and they won't be able to maintain my weight, so it will keep going up before I'm ready to see if I want to go any higher at which point I will freak out and just want to loose it all. This is making me really just want to discharge myself go home and go back to work. This caused Ben and I to argue yesterday as I sometimes feel that he doesn't listen to me, I don't need him to agree or even understand but to just realise that sometimes I just need to tell him how I feel regardless of how stupid or irrational it sounds as its how I feel and I need to share it else I think sometimes I might go mad. He could not do this yesterday and talked over me and told me that it was irrational and he would discuss it when I was thinking more clearly really not helpful!

So as the never ending day goes on I have started to think about ward round tomorrow and hoping that the consultant will actually bother to be in unlike the dietician who I desperately need to talk to and was not in yesterday and not here today either (genius eating disorder unit and no dietician on weigh day!!!). I am going to request my Christmas leave and also to manage my own sitting time after breakfast, despite the fact they have said no to this for two weeks I will ask again. I hope they make some sort of decision over leave as next week will only give me six days to plan everything and it's going to need a lot of planning, especially meal wise.
I know Ben and my family need to know what's happening so they can plan their own Christmas and also prepare if I am going home as it will be just as stressful for them as it will be for me just for different reasons.

Fingers crossed for a decision I'm sure the screams of anger and frustration will be heard far and wide if they don't make a decision or worse still make the decision that gives me a no.


  1. just ((((hugs)))), how awful - no sessions or anything :( *sigh*

  2. You will be home for Christmas with or without their blessing, on the same proviso as your outing to Rhod Gilbert, as long as I can speak with your permission to the dietician, the day will be planned, I have done it before and I will do it again for as long as I have to its not a problem and I will do my very best to make your Christmas day as stress free as possible, and as happy as possible, love you loads,

  3. Sending my support to you and everyone 'inside' at the moment. There's a chance my discharge will be moved to next week - not exactly ideal, but less stressful than being left on the outside without preparation. Incidentally, in a lock down, isn't customary to drink outside of licensing hours...? Just something you might want to suggest to staff - you know, to ease the stress... ;) x

  4. You are so brave and I am glad to have met you on this blog. I
    think you are battling this problem but I can see something special in you that you cannot see yourself. You are fighting
    something that can strip you of any confidence and belief in yourself. But I am sure you will come out of this as I can see how incredibly brave you are.

  5. Thank you all xx happy birthday Bec hope you have had a great day xxxx