I feel trapped in my life and to be honest I'm tired of fighting and in the words of Robbie Williams " I don't want to die! but I ain't keen on living either!"
Life had picked up for a while I had begun to grow in confidence and started socialising even making some new friends someone close to me was going through a difficult time following a breakup and I spent as much time as I could helping him through, in all honesty he was helping me just as much as I him. However as always that person let me down. Going AWOL without a real explanation so once again I was left feeling rubbish like I had done something wrong and driven someone else away. I have tried to resolve things but not really got anywhere with it.
I feel so alone much of the time but my therapist tells me that I have to learn to be content in myself, easier said than done when you find every aspect of your mere being a complete and utter disappointment and waste of time. Having spent the last god knows how many years disappointing people, hurting them and letting them down I don't really know how to see myself in any better light.
Oh shut up beck! I know shouldn't complain guess it's just the realisation of a year on and things not being much better guess that's why I try to ignore anniversarys so I don't dwell on things. Hey hoh onwards and upwards,oh and if you think this post is depressing just wait till it's my birthday ;-)