So five weeks on the road to recovery what have I learnt so far... The first thing has to be that it is possible to go through a million different emotions in the shortest space of time. I have felt angry, calm, petrified, confused, frustrated, selfish, rage, sadness, fear, annoyance, all within a few minute time span. I'm sure these are common feelings for anyone facing any kind of challenge and I have to say so far this is the hardest one I have had to face.
It's at this point I should mention that although this is crap for me it's not a picnic for those close to me either and it is deffinately fair to say if it wasn't for them I would not be here now.
At this moment in time I thank them dearly for caring enough to be strong in not taking notice of my "I'm fine" attitude and going through hell to get me in here. I feel it important to say this now as there will be many moments when I will hold this against them and blame them entirely for being in this hell hole! Sorry for this in advance.
For my wonderful friends, you know who you are, thank you for your unconditional love and support and also a massive thanks to all those who have taken the time to offer support and kind words via my Facebook post.
So what else have I learnt..... They love cheese here and I swear they would put it on breakfast if they could, infact my first meal here was pizza with a pound of cheese on - this hopefully now explains the blog name- it has become a standing joke that every time I have cheese it's at least a pound. You may tell from this that cheese is a massive fear food despite my love of it. I have many other fear foods which I'm sure will become evident as my blog goes on.
Anyway I have rambled on for quite a while now but before i go I will share with you the biggest thing i have learnt so far. I have realised I am very much stuck in the grasps of this illness despite my initial belief that there was nothing wrong with me this may sound an odd thing to have learnt but may be the most important. I intend to share with you the everyday reality of this illness and the pros and cons of recovery. I hope to help people to have a better understanding and hopefully give and gain support from those in the same situation or those who have gone through the recovery process. I make no apologies if at times I am not positive and the truth is hard for people to hear but I'm afraid that's just how it's going to be. I don't intend to dress this illness up in pretty paper but instead strip it bare and reveal the harsh and difficult reality of living with an eating disorder.